the week days make me feel like a zombie robot. i thought id get accustomed to the routine of getting up early taking a short nap going to school then going to work, but i really haven't. the nap i so desperately need doesnt come easy and if i do take the nap i have no time to do anything around the house or cook anything decent. i love to cook. i love home cooked home made not out of a box food. i miss it. i rarely cook anything home made anymore. at most i cook meat say pork chops because theyre fast, and some canned vegetables and thats it. Jesse doesnt complain; the food gets eaten, but it isnt the same. i miss the satisfaction i get from cooking. i also miss my family. i miss meal time together. abigale is doing great in school, she is very bright. 6 30 comes so early but its the only time i see her. monday through friday we have one hour a day together. With jesse its even less. i see him for maybe 10 minutes at work and then he mumbles to me in his sleep when i get into bed. its hard not to feel lonely. the aloneness mixed with the stress of trying to do more than i am able gets to me. jesse is so supportive, i would probably fall apart and go crazy without it.
even though life isnt easy for me right now i am optimistic. this tough routine i am putting myself through will come with rewards eventually. i will finish my degree and get an awesome job that i can be proud of.
always look forward and never look back.
i think ill try sleep. wish me luck